What happens to bisexual identity once you're in a relationship?

Many people assume that when a bisexual person settles down, they’ve “picked a side” — that they’re now either gay or straight. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

In this episode of BiSpective, Lewis Oakley explores the unique challenge bisexual people face when they’re in relationships: how do you stay visible as bisexual when the world only sees your partner?

From stereotypes and assumptions to the pressure to “prove” your identity, this conversation dives into one of the most misunderstood aspects of bisexual life.

If you’ve ever wondered how bisexuality works in relationships — or why people struggle to understand it — this episode is for you.

As a bisexual man, I’ve noticed something that rarely gets talked about.

Leaving a relationship as a bisexual doesn’t just mean leaving a person — it often means leaving a whole way of life.

In this video, I break down:
– Why bisexual people may struggle to leave relationships
– How fear of rejection and biphobia plays a role
– Why “starting again” feels harder when you’re bi
– How dating different genders can change how the world sees you
– And why the stereotype that bisexuals can’t commit is deeply wrong

For many bisexual people, relationships feel safer than facing the emotional labour of coming out, dating again, and being questioned all over again.



💬 Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have?
💬 Do you think bisexuals persevere more than others?

Share your experience in the comments

Many bisexual people say the same thing: “I don’t know any other bisexuals.”
So why does the bisexual community feel so fragmented and does it even really exist?

In this video, I explore why bisexual people often feel isolated, even within LGBTQ+ spaces, and why building a visible, connected bisexual community has proven so difficult.

We talk about:
– Why bisexuals don’t have the same community structures as gay men
– The cost of not having other bisexual people around you
– How isolation impacts bisexual mental health and wellbeing
– Why bisexual experiences are so diverse they can be hard to unite
– And whether a stronger bisexual community is actually possible

Bisexual people are statistically the least likely to be out — which makes us harder to find, harder to organise, and easier to overlook. But that doesn’t mean community doesn’t matter. In fact, it may matter more than ever.

If you’re bisexual and have ever felt alone, unseen, or like you don’t quite fit anywhere this conversation is for you.