What if the thing you keep trying to change about yourself… isn't actually changeable?

And what if the same is true for your partner?

In this powerful and perspective-shifting conversation, I sit down with Dr. Denim Slade, author of Unlock Your C.O.R.E. Potential, to talk about temperament, relationships, and the freedom that comes when we stop trying to "fix" what was never meant to be fixed.

Dr. Slade brings decades of experience as a marriage and family therapist and coach, along with his CORE framework—a temperament-based system that helps people understand the parts of themselves that are innate and unchangeable.

Together, we explore the tension so many of us live in:
Trying to grow… while also needing to accept.

Because here's the truth:
Growth doesn't come from changing your core nature.
It comes from understanding it—and learning how to work with it.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• Why temperament is not something you can change—and why that's actually good news
• The difference between who you are vs. what you've learned
• How many relationship struggles come from trying to change your partner's wiring
• What happens when you finally stop seeing yourself (or them) as "the problem"
• How to work with your temperament instead of against it
• The surprising freedom that comes with acceptance over self-rejection
• Where this intersects with Complex Shame—and how shame keeps us trying to "fix" ourselves to be loved

A Shift to Consider:
If you've been living with the quiet belief that:
"I'm too much…"
"They should be different…"
"If I could just change this, everything would work…"

This conversation invites you to pause.
What if the work isn't changing your core…
but understanding it?

About Dr. Denim Slade
Dr. Denim Slade is a relationship expert, coach, and author with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples improve their lives and relationships. He holds a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Science and is the creator of the CORE temperament framework—a personality system designed to help people understand the innate, unchangeable aspects of who they are and how those impact their relationships.

Learn more about his work: https://becomehealthyandhappy.com/

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book


Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode

You are my people.

Everything I create- this podcast, my writing, these emails- is for one reason:
to help you have a better relationship with yourself and with the people you love.

And when you ask me questions, I listen. I really listen.

I answered this question today because even though she didn't share many details, I could feel the anguish in her words…
and I remember what it felt like to be in that place.

Here's what she asked:

"Dr. Zoe, what do I do when overwhelming shame is keeping me from seeking the help I truly need? How do I even begin to find the words—or the strength—to reach out when I feel so ashamed of myself?"

If you've ever felt that… you are not alone.

Tune in to hear my answer.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book


Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode

What happens when the relationship you once chose begins to feel heavy and you quietly tell yourself you're stuck?

In this episode, Dr. Zoe speaks directly to the woman who feels trapped not by crisis, but by clarity she's been avoiding. The kind of clarity that comes when love hasn't disappeared, but ease has. When you're still committed, but something inside you is tired.

This is not an episode about whether you should stay or leave.

It's an invitation to reclaim your power.

In this conversation, Dr. Zoe gently challenges one of the most painful beliefs women carry in long-term relationships: "I'm stuck." Instead, she offers a reframing that can shift your nervous system, your thinking, and your sense of agency without forcing a decision you're not ready to make.

In this episode, we explore:
• Why feeling "trapped" often comes from emotional bargaining, not the relationship itself
• The hard but freeing truth: you are still choosing and why that matters
• How owning your reasons for staying restores power instead of shame
• The difference between acceptance and resignation
• What it means to stop trying to change your partner without abandoning yourself
• Why unacknowledged grief turns into resentment and how clarity creates cleaner love
• The question that brings honesty back into long-term relationships

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with a friend who might need these words today or leaving a review so more women can find this conversation.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book


Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Collective: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode

Many women believe that if they are loved well enough, they will finally feel secure, whole, and at peace.

But here's the hard truth: love doesn't heal self-abandonment—it reveals it.

In this episode, Dr. Zoe explores why self-abandonment forms, how it shows up in romantic relationships, and why expecting love to fix it quietly sabotages intimacy. This conversation is compassionate, direct, and deeply hopeful, especially if you've ever felt loved yet still unseen, exhausted, or emotionally alone.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• Why self-abandonment is a learned survival strategy—not a character flaw
• How love activates self-abandonment rather than curing it
• The hidden ways self-abandonment disguises itself as being "easy," "loyal," or "low maintenance"
• How Complex Shame convinces women their needs are the problem
• Why expecting love to heal you turns relationships into emotional labor
• How your romantic patterns often mirror how you treat yourself
• What it actually means to choose yourself without blowing up your relationship
• Why healing self-abandonment requires grief—not just insight
• How small acts of self-return change the way love feels
• The hope: why self-abandonment can be unlearned—and how love becomes safer when you stop disappearing

A Gentle Reminder

You don't heal self-abandonment so someone will finally choose you.
You heal it so you stop leaving yourself—even when love gets hard.

Reflection Question

Where in your life are you staying quiet, flexible, or agreeable at the expense of your truth—and calling it love?

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book


Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Collective: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode.

Do you ever feel like you have to be "right" in order to feel safe? Or that if you could just figure out the answer, the relationship, or the next step, then the anxiety and shame would finally go away?

If so, you're not alone. Many women stuck in co-dependency and complex shame cling to certainty as a way to feel secure—but often it only leaves us more exhausted, more disconnected, and further from ourselves.

In this episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, I sit down with Stefani Ruper - Oxford-trained philosopher, former Harvard researcher, and author of the forthcoming book The Certainty Cure. Stefani shares why releasing certainty and embracing curiosity can transform the way we see ourselves, our relationships, and our healing journey.

We talk about:

• Why certainty addiction keeps women stuck in cycles of co-dependency and shame
• How uncertainty fuels personal growth and builds resilience
• What curiosity looks like in daily life (even in arguments or moments of shame)
• How to stay grounded when everything feels uncertain
• Practical ways to release the need to be right and rediscover who you are

If you're ready to stop chasing control and start healing by embracing the unknown, this conversation will give you hope and practical steps forward.

Connect with Stefani Ruper:
• Instagram: @stefani.ruper
• Facebook: facebook.com/stefani.ruper
• X: @stefaniruper
• Substack: stefaniruper.substack.com

Resources & Next Steps:

Join the Stronger Woman Collective waitlist: here

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Buy my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. Your reviews help more women untangle shame, break free from co-dependency, and discover the strength to live with curiosity.

We've all been there—wishing someone we love would finally be different. Maybe it's a spouse who won't listen, a parent who won't soften, or a friend who keeps repeating the same destructive patterns. The temptation is to pour our energy into fixing them—but what if the real path to peace and change begins with you?

In this episode, I unpack why clinging to the hope that someone will change can keep you stuck, frustrated, and resentful. I offer practical, compassionate steps for accepting people as they are, protecting your worth with boundaries, and reclaiming your peace.

Because the truth is, the second you change, the entire relationship changes.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why trying to "fix" others only deepens disappointment and conflict
• How radical acceptance creates peace and clarity
• The trap of wasting energy on why someone won't change
• How to set boundaries without losing yourself
• The surprising freedom that comes when you stop needing others to change

Encouragement:

You don't need to wait for someone else to transform before you can breathe again. Peace doesn't come when they change—it comes when you stop needing them to.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode.

What do you even call a divorce anniversary? Two years after the end of my marriage, I find myself reflecting—not on celebration, but on growth, healing, and the lessons heartbreak leaves behind. In this deeply personal episode, I'm sharing the three truths divorce taught me about co-dependency and how I'm learning to live and love differently.

Whether you're walking through the rubble of a relationship, navigating the lonely spaces of divorce, or stepping into love again with a hopeful but shaky heart, these lessons are for you.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why self-regulation must come before co-regulation and the practical ways you can ground yourself before leaning on someone else.
• The surprising difference between being alone and being lonely, and how solitude can actually become sacred.
• How boundaries create freedom, why they aren't rejection, but an invitation to authentic love.

This Episode Is For You If…

You've struggled with co-dependency or shame in relationships.
You're navigating divorce, separation, or stepping into new love after loss.
You want to stop abandoning yourself in relationships and learn how to show up fully as you.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Share this episode with a friend who needs a reminder: you are not too much, and you are not alone.

So many women in difficult relationships hold onto a dangerous belief: if I just love him enough, I can save him.

Psychotherapist and author Shavaun Scott knows this illusion all too well. In her memoir Nightbird (Pierian Springs Press, May 12), she unflinchingly shares her journey through an emotionally abusive marriage, her husband's tragic suicide, and the painful yet liberating process of rebuilding her life.

In this conversation, Shavaun and I explore:

• Why so many women feel responsible for "saving" their partners—and how that belief keeps us trapped.
• How suicide or the threat of can be a control tactic and how greater awareness leads to compassion.
• The structural and emotional barriers that keep survivors in cycles of abuse—and what it takes to break free.
• How trauma, grief, and loss can become unlikely catalysts for healing, self-discovery, and even freedom.
• The power of authentic connection in reclaiming identity and rebuilding after devastation.

Shavaun's story is raw, sobering, and ultimately full of hope. Whether you've faced abuse, grappled with loss, or love someone who has, her voice is a reminder that healing is possible, and freedom is worth fighting for.

Learn more about Shavaun's work and her book Nightbird at shavaunscott.com.

Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Facebook

Dr. Zoe Shaw Website